


An Explanation

by amyfortuna



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-10-17
Updated: 2000-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyfortuna/pseuds/amyfortuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an answer to the question, "Why didn't Obi-Wan use a Force run to catch up?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Why didn't I use Force-enhanced strength to run to my Master?

The answer is simple, though it's my deep dark secret, shared only by Master Yoda and one other, who will die slowly if I ever get my hands on him...

I could not.

They tell me that four battles were going on at the same time. They were wrong. There were five--Qui-Gon and I were fighting two at once.

On one level, we were trading blows with the Sith, spinning over each other, falling, gasping, recovering.

There never had been a battle so fierce. Yet that was only part of the fight, for, on another level, we were battling with our minds, fighting another being completely.

The Sith are always two, a Master and an apprentice. Physically, we were fighting the apprentice, who had had the finest training available, obviously. Mentally, we were fighting another, a terrifying being, whose training had been completely of the mind. And he was powerful indeed. Our combined strength kept us in the Light, without each other, we would have fallen.

When my Master was struck down, his bright presence in my mind vanished and darkness overwhelmed me.

Small wonder, then, that I gave into anger and fear, until at a critical point in the fight, red and blue sabers scraping against each other, I felt him return, and gasped in surprise.

The Sith took advantage of that to knock me over into the melting pit, but I held on--I had something to live for now, my Master was still alive.

I let him take the burden of the mental battle away from me, knowing that, gravely injured as he was, his mind was not hurt, and for a few moments I was myself again, only myself, no Darkness there.

I seized the moment, pulling my Master's lightsaber to me, leaped out of that pit and sliced the thing in half.

As the apprentice died, the terrible will of the Darkness redoubled its efforts, but against our now-combined strength could do nothing to me. As I stood, head bowed, the struggle intensified, the Dark will turning its power in vengeance on Qui-Gon.

I ran to him, trying to get closer to help push the thing away, but it was too late, the combination of saber wound and Dark attack had weakened him too much.

He could only gasp out a few last words.

As he died, the Dark power relinquished the fight, and I collapsed helplessly from exhaustion and grief, my face against Qui-Gon's, tears streaming down.

My mission, as well as training Anakin, is looking for that Dark entity. He left no trace of who he really was; I do not think I would know who he was if I met him again, unless he invaded my mind as he did before.

But I will find him one day and then may all the power of the Light stand behind me, because I will win that fight.


	2. Chapter 2

The thought permeates my every moment, waking and sleeping. Even as I lie beside Anakin here tonight, it whispers to me: "As you killed the apprentice, so the Master must be killed." I feel no darkness in that emotion, only a slight sense that I would enjoy revenge too much.

Anakin shifts in my arms. His dreams for years have been of blood and fire, and I feel guilty. They are my dreams and memories.

Some part of my desire to see the one who killed my Master dead has been transferred to him, of course, as well as his own need for revenge. Grief will have its way, some say better this than depression.

We both loved Qui-Gon, in different ways, and we would gladly do anything to see this monster dead.

It has been a point of unity between us in past years. Whenever we'd argue, or he'd contest my will, I would just recall the moment I told him Qui-Gon had been killed. Letting my emotions flow over our bond, I would ask him silently if he wanted to take revenge on that Darkness or not.

Anakin would remember and snap to attention, eyes flashing.

I won so many fights that way.

I took Anakin into my bed and arms a year ago, when I was certain that he both wanted me and was old enough to know his own mind.

Since then he's pledged himself to marry Amidala, but as they won't wed until after Anakin's been Knighted, he feels justified staying with me.

We both love each other--in a way; I'll always have second place to Ami and he'll only be like a pale shadow of what I had with Qui-Gon.

As long as we both understand our places in the other's life, we will be all right.

It may be that both of us together can succeed where I failed. We may yet, if we are unified, find that Dark master and kill him.


	3. Chapter 3

I have failed utterly. Anakin has turned--my sweet, beautiful Padawan is now a monster, a tool of the Dark Side in human form, 'Emperor' Palpatine.

Well.

At last I know who was behind Qui-Gon's death. And I am amazed that I could not see it before.

Palpatine and Ani--I mean Vader--are now systematically eradicating the Jedi from the galaxy. I finally understand--too late of course--the motives of the Sith. And what a game our lives are...that we flee our greatest fear, only now to find terror in the hiding places we chose.

I'm not sure why I'm still alive. Perhaps they want to torture me. Or maybe they just don't think I'm important.

Qui-Gon, what do I have to live for? Nothing. But I don't want to die and face you with my failure...

At least the children are safe, though I was not able to save their mother. Amidala, along with just about everybody I know, is dead.

What is my purpose here? To become a backwater hermit on the planet snow forgot? Why?

I have hidden Anakin's blue lightsaber in the depths of a chest I brought--the only relics of the glory of the Republic and the only tangible memories I have.

I heard Anakin often say, laughing, to me and his wife, that his son should someday be a great Jedi and carry his lightsaber. And once he turned to me in a merry mood and asked me to give his 'saber to his son, should he not survive.

Well, Anakin, to all good purpose, is dead. Though the request was made without any inkling of what was to happen, I'll fulfill it. Stay here and someday give Luke his father's lightsaber.

He *was* a good man and a great Knight. And as far as I can, I'll forget what he became and remember only my beloved padawan.

For now, all I can do is wait. My dreams are still filled with terror, past, present and future mixed aimlessly together, a red lightsaber the only continuity.


	4. Chapter 4

"I love you, Obi-Wan."

I had heard those words for the first time in too long, as a lightsaber blade slashed through my body, and I fell backward, the universe fading, into the arms of my Qui-Gon.

Such happiness was a gift. A gift of moments, for my journey was not yet over. Qui-Gon whispered a few words of love and devotion to me, then proceeded to tell me my further task.

It seemed that dying had been for nothing. I was to watch over Luke until the fight for Balance was over. I could not be with Qui-Gon forever until I had also settled my own Darkness.

And with those words, and an injunction to hurry, my lover faded away into the pale air.

I glanced around. The world I so recently had inhabited was still there, but was dim. My body was the only real thing, the only thing I could touch.

I could travel anywhere in a thought. I used this to good purpose, staying with Luke, often speaking to him, wondering if he heard me or not. When Luke slept, I felt drawn to go elsewhere...to see just what was happening in the rest of the universe.

What I found frightened me. The Sith with their swords had all but destroyed beautiful Coruscant, the gem of the galaxy. The Temple had been raided, plundered time and again, and ultimately leveled. Only a few Jedi were left.

Master Yoda, to my surprise, was one of them. We shared conversation and wonderment about the fate of the universe. I was not the only one, I discovered, who was waiting for Balance.

He seemed to know about Luke Skywalker already, but when I questioned him as to how, he merely nodded. And then I realized that Qui-Gon must have told him -- Qui-Gon, who seemed to be managing the fate of the Jedi of the Light. I smiled.

And so the years, or whatever they counted as time, went by and I stood behind Luke as he was brought to the Emperor, the cause of all my pain. I could only watch, of course, the battle was Luke's to fight and win -- I could not speak to him now.

As the conversation between Luke, Darth Vader, and Palpatine unfolded, I felt myself being torn in two. Part of me wanted Luke to attack *now*, kill that deathly evil being, kill my former padawan, bring justice to the galaxy. Death was what they deserved.

But the part of me that was tied to the Light rebelled. Evil was everywhere. To kill this part of it would do little good. And Luke was not ordained to fight *my* battles, avenge me, or Qui-Gon, but to do what he, as a Jedi, deemed right.

And so Luke made his decision.

"I am a Jedi, as my father was before me," he said. And only then I saw his greatness.

He was not concerned with the destruction of evil. He merely wanted to save his father. Where I had seen fear and hatred, he saw potential love.

I was ashamed of myself. For years my only thought had been revenge. No wonder Anakin had turned into Darth Vader, with me as his master.

Swift tears sparked behind my eyes as I watched the end of their confrontation; something I could never have foreseen, my Anakin facing his Darkness and winning.

Palpatine's destruction...I was avenged then. But it meant nothing to me except grief that he too could not be redeemed. There was no triumph in my eyes.

And when Anakin died, the light intensified as he stood before me, looking like a youth just Knighted.

"Master," he said. "I'm..."

He broke off and laid his hands on his face. "What have I done all these years?" he whispered brokenly.

My throat choked up, and before I could think better of it, I was at his side, my arms around him.

"No, Anakin, no. You have nothing to repent of...you've already done all that...."

I took his hands from his face and held them between mine.

"What is behind is only shadows and dust, beautiful ones," we heard a voice behind us say. Turning as one, we saw Qui-Gon, hands outstretched to each of us. "Welcome home."

We stepped forward, and he took our hands in his, leading us where we knew not.

"I have plans for you, love," my master whispered in my ear, and I blushed.

There my tale ends, or maybe only begins.


End file.
